Friday, October 10, 2014

"Maternity" Shirt

Today I exhibit this plaid button up shirt. 

I bought this on New Years Day of 2011.  That New Years will live on in my memory as the year there was a huge blizzard on New Years Eve.  I was at my sister's in Fargo and Justin tried to get there but ended up turning around halfway there.  He got home just before the interstates in ND closed.  As darkness fell, a  huge pileup happened on one of the  lanes of I-94 involving dozens of vehicles and one fatality and the highway patrol and other official people who were out there that night said they couldn't see their hand held up in front of their face because the blowing snow was so thick.  People were trapped out there, freezing, and no one could help them.  It was like a real old fashioned "Little House on the Prairie" style blizzard. 
Meanwhile, my sister, brother-in-law, and I sat in her house all night, looking at Facebook and watching other people trying to go out to celebrate as taxi cab companies pulled cars out of service and the city pulled plows off the streets.  The news said people should just not leave their houses for any reason except for true emergencies (dialysis, giving birth, etc.).  People were told to call the police if they needed to leave their houses and if they left without an escort that they weren't getting help for their own stupidity.  The next morning we woke up to see snow drifts so high in their backyard that their dog would have been able to jump over the fences. 
We decided to go out for lunch and see if any stores were open because we were sick of being in the house.  The sights that I saw that morning were straight out of some sort of winter fantasy story.  On the main street of the neighborhood there was a shark fin shaped pile of snow taller than a vehicle right in the middle of the street where we could see that a car had been stuck all night and recently towed.  There were snow drifts up to the roofs of houses and garages and some of the young trees on the berms were almost completely buried.   The sun was shining and plows were working but it would take days to catch up and the experienced drivers of ND were navigating the snowy and rutted streets in a way that only we can.  I know there are lots of jokes and mystery about North Dakota and all of us have heard jabs about how it's always cold, always winter, we drive horses and buggies, isn't that in Canada...and on and on...but I can honestly say I had never and have never since seen anything like that. 
The mall was opened so my sister and I got down to business shopping the best time of year...the after New Years sales.  The week after Christmas is good, but the week after New on.  At Hollister I purchased the blue plaid shirt for a very discounted price.  That night we found a few friends to go out with and joined the rest of the city in celebrating 2011 one day late and I wore my new shirt.  Yes, I wore that conservative plaid shirt for New Years.  In the aftermath of a historic blizzard I wasn't feeling like wearing a sparkly tank top and heels I guess.
I haven't worn this shirt since before I had Ben which would have been in the few months after I bought it.  The reason is because it just hasn't fit me.  It has a empire waist and a ties in the back, which lead me and my co-workers to joke that it looked like a maternity shirt...ha...ha...ha...

Those were the words of a person who had never actually worn a maternity shirt.  A real maternity shirt has double the yardage of the largest men's shirt from Hollister.  I practically bust out of the largest women's size there.  "Maternity" and "Hollister" don't belong in the same paragraph. 

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